Connections

So, I had one of those days today.

Just one of those days you've been putting off since July but something you'd rather have happened naturally in November.

I stripped out my car today, well, of all useful parts, as Ben and I started pulling away at the muscles and tissues out of what remains of my former love, my girlfriend, my dirty little secret, my Car, my poor little 1986 Honda Civic, I her call Gahkbe (Gahba) she was my little whore, she was dirty, VD ridden, unsafe, loved by one person and something you don't bring home to your mother....though your mother gave her to you.

I had a massive connection to this rusty, underpowered car, I love it.

Whenever I was upset the car was there for me, a simple key in her hole did the trick, it was not the girlfriend, not the family, not the jobs, the car, its sad in a way when you think of a 5 year period and the only things really in your life was your father and your car, then again maybe I am just blinded by the reality, the facts, the situation.

As I got to the end of the strip out and finished removing the passenger seat, I sat in my driver seat for one last time with the keys in that spot for one last time and all those memories came back to me, all those fights, all those speeding nights, all those 2am drives home from Palm Beach, Old Pac, Wisemans ferry, Stanmore tops, Woolongong, Canberra and the epic drive to Brisbane, A tear came to my eye as I realised something, I won't ever drive this fine piece of machinery again, so many memories reside in that frail shell that now remains, I'll drive another, just, not this one, just one like it.

Another big memory popped up just as I turned the key, my good friend Jessi and the first time I chased her through old pac, the first voyage, the beginning of what is now the end.

I then had a song come to my head, Johnny Cash, well, Joaquin Pheonix singing a Johnny Cash song.

I first heard this song not so long ago, I had it in my head after watching Walk the line, it was amazing, I adored Johnny Cash's music before but the Movie, the movie, it was simply delightful and salivating.

I had not really listened to this song for some time, last time I had the song on was when I had my mother in the car and it wasn't so delightful.

All those memories introduced by a soothing song.

The fact is that I had a connection with this car, this woman, all those memories contained in a 850kilo car (with the spare, a hydrolic jack + other shit)

To some its nothing, its a car, to others like Jessi, many others and I, its not that simple, its not a car to get you from A-B, its a partner, you go through good and bad, you talk to her when she feels down, you service her and she feels better.

When she doesn't want to idle you attempt to push those buttons, you know, to make her better, though it doesn't work you learn to brake with the left foot and control the idle with the right foot whilst throttling the handbrake aswell..

I have many connections with things and people, some may be stronger, some may not, they are all strong.

Sadly the car will be forever a memory.

I now have lost the possession of my car, I can't experience the touch, the feel, the sound of an unbalanced idle but the connection will forever remain, though my connection with the song playing in my head shall remain and has been strengthened in a more positive manner.

I don't have my car anymore, I can't drive it, I can't enjoy it, but I can always remember this exact moment in my 19 years of life with this song.



I ♥ you Gahkbe.