Masks

We all have masks, a mask is simple and perhaps you may not realise it yet.

They are people whom we look at, we develop a characteristic and tendencies from and hide behind.

We also grow from these and develop further as individuals further, as people.

Some of these are people we know, some are a character in a 2 hour film, some are drawn on paper and some are in 208 page books.

These masks allow us to be 'me', they are the key and without knowing it, it connects you the eventual 'me', the me that you become and then become aware, yes, when it is too late, when you enjoy and indulge in these qualities.

They allow wrath, indifference, hatred, lust, spite, depression, emotion, tears, racism, sexism, destruction, self-destruction, mayhem and so much more, these are things that you are not or will not allow to be within your characteristics.

I'd like to take this moment to draw emphasis from Tyler Durden and the Narrator, when he finally who Tyler really is:

"All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not."

This isn't a mask, but its the example I want to present.

I have and had many masks, being made aware of it finally, I had realised that I infact restrained it for a lengthy period of time and then on one stormy night whilst doing 160km/h while taking dad for one last drive, it hit, nothing, the calm before the final storm which hit..

I pulled over, I could smell my brakes from those sweet hairpins, I looked at my trusty girlfriend (the car), I got back in once that shade of red disappeared and looked myself in the eye with my mirror and said something, I can't utter it again, the look on my face was priceless, almost like I was looking at another person, I had just destroyed someone else, such decisive things I may have once never realised I had spoken of before, but it was the beginning, this is why I shared emphasis of Tyler Durdan and the Narrator.

This mask, it had become so clear, so profound, so breath taking, it was so much more clearer to me now, it was like going from a 30cm black and white tv to moving up to a 120cm LCD tv with a surround sound system, it was amazing, Homer Simpson would salivate a river in the clarity difference.

Though I won't utter the words, I can describe him further, He is Dark, Handsome, Amazing with woman, Mentally strong and physically stronger, there was alot more to him, just not much remaining at this stage, it had begun already after all.

If he was a physical being he would be successful (= money), he only would wear Black, his hair would be slicked smoothly, his suit freshly pressed only minutes before he wakes in the morning with a fine italian wallet filled with green crisp hundred dollar bills, it would be placed in his right breast jacket pocket, his shoes are freshly polished daily and most of all, a fresh cigarette lit from his Chrome Zipo lighter, this is placed in his lips, fresh from his Chrome cigarette tin which remains in his left breast pocket, which smells of Cinnamon and the final touch, his Chrome wind up pocket watch which is secured to his Chrome belt.

This reality had come to me as suprise but more of a realisation, a mindfuck if you will, these words to myself, from my own mouth.

It was only upon confirmation later that I had spoken similar words before and broken others with them, acid tongue, hmm, how long had this been going on for without my awareness?


Sometime apparently.

I had slowly come to the realisation of what it was and how it worked, yes, a mask...

A mask to protect my face, my sanity?

I didn't have a clue then nor do I now.

Go figure, I may be rambling, this may not remain, this may be my return to a previous problem, this is what it is, a further realisation that things are never the same.

I will end this here and see if I can add or clarify this from 30cm black and white image to a LCD image at another time.

For now, an image.