Two Birds, One Stone.

There was once two sides to Lloyd.

Lloyd and Lloyd, it will make sense to all that read it, you all have that other side, right?

Lloyd was the perfect Gentleman, kind, respectful, considerate and above all, weak.

Lloyd was infact different, yet shared those traits but was then some and more.

He was conniving, malicious, callous and sadistic and so much more that I shall not devulge, rather let others know the way others have found out..

Long story short there is now Lloyd, yet I feel something that I once felt years ago, yes, another one in the works for years to come and to take to Wisemans ferry and Touge battle with.

As I have his feeling I know in my mind the facts, we're human, we're forever changing, forever growing, forever desiring, forever lusting, we adapt, we learn, we love, we're forever Human.

In saying that also this has added to my ear to ear grin, I once referred to this grin as Lloyd's grin, but it nolonger is, it is forever Lloyd's grin now.

I grin because I'm happy and ABSOLUTELY extatic to be precise.

We have triumphed, just a little bit in many ways.

The two birds is correct and the one stone, meh, metaphoric.

Bird #1 received an order of headfuck from me, her reaction was priceless from something I burried, she literally shit a bricks and this somewhat helped the new inner grow and form.

It had only occured to me what I was experienced, I thought back and had been experiencing this great feeling alot, its not an emotion like Happy OR Sad, its something much stronger and unknown.

Lloyd then stopped for a minute and enjoyed a fine lady Gudang Garam

Bird #2 is the former bitch, whilst enjoying this Gudang she looked at me and the conversation went as following:

"you smoke?"
"Yeah"
"Since when"
"hmph, a while"

She then walked away in disbelief

She must have been saying to herself "What is he doing, who is he, WHO IS LLOYD!"

She then walked back calmly towards me, as she walked closer I blew in her direction to clear any disbelief that I was SMOKING and that Lloyd was firmly home once again.

Once again, this is a small piece of growth within me, its dark, it is feeding what would have formerly fed Lloyd, I love it, I loath it and I somewhat ponder what else I will do.

And in all of this what was the major grin cause?

Realising something I wish I did earlier, I currently love life, I barely have a job, I'm still in ways lonely but there is this, I don't really want to die now, sure, seeing dad would be awesome and be able to go out for my 21st pissup, but I don't really wish death upon myself (I'm sure that feeling will come and go as time keeps going)

I don't know if its a natural high from realising these things further, if its because we are enjoying this new foundation or what, but I'm happy, I love life on a further level, I loath it on another.

I want to share this one thing with you as a goodnight.



I still have 96 problems but it kinda feels good.