Being oblivious.

On Monday night I had a bit of a perception realisation (if you will)

I was sitting in the back of Adams mums car, it was pissing down with rain and smiling.

Lisa looked at me and asked "What the fuck are you smiling at?"

Before I could really respond Adam responded with "Lloyd is always smiling, its usually when he isn't smiling that you should be worried"

So it kinda clicked, I'm always smiling? I was oblivious to this fact.

I asked around and consensus agreed, that and I am always smiling.

I don't know why I always do, but I do?

I never did realised it back then but my Father used to ask what was wrong when I wasn't smiling, I didn't think about that until today when it clicked further.

I'd usually respond with a "its nothing" and he would leave it at that but he knew that something was up when I wasn't smiling, something, he didn't know, but he knew something was up, I never did tell him my troubles at the time, sadly I cannot now but the fact was when I did talk about them previously they fell on deaf ears *sigh*

At times I ponder how it might be different now, but then I know it probably wouldn't have been.

I guess this isn't a problem, smiling and being see through isn't a problem for me, well, not anymore now that I know it and live it, sure speaking it isn't a problem anymore either.

wow, 93 problems, its feels like its been so long.

So, I have 93 problems and smiling isn't one of them, neither is being see through, should I make it 92 now?

No, its all in one basket when it comes down to the boil.

I don't know how to end this post, I don't know if I should use a song or an image, I think I will leave that bit empty this time.