FMLIA

Yet it stinks.

Why does it stink?

Something installed in me.

Being in a relationship and having a girlfriend is awesome, it somewhat helps make my life awesome, yet something in me tells me that it'll soon fuck me in the ass as its happened before.

I want to stand on the tallest building in Brisbane and scream into Surfers Paradise how awesome my life is, yet one thing that never would bother me makes me want to sit in a corner and count down days, hours and minutes until I spread my cheeks again.

No doubt its just me worrying over nothing, but it is because I finally have that girl, the girl that every guy wants and that I always saw others getting but never had a chance with, infact I am out of Jen's league.

Darryl once said "Don't undersell yourself Hank"

I can't help be who I am, I see my value as x cents but others see it as xx dollars, I disagree.

I was once told I'd changed, but I had not at that point, I've always played it cool and never had doubt in my mind about anything, especially people in my surroundings.

As it turned out, I was fucking wrong, no matter how I may surrounded myself with people who I know well, who I'd trust with me life and I know who spoke their mind, I was wrong and I had a dollar bill and I won't ever trust new people in the way I once did.

I now sit, count and wait for Jen to do what had been done before and leave me where I was before her.

In my mind I know it'll happen, I just want to know when so I'm not so shocked or hurt this time.

Unfortunately the way I was and the way I am, I had actually been proven wrong and in such a hard way.

no doubt I will cop shit for this, because I'm writing in my blog about someone again who still chooses to read last time I knew of.

To ensure I cop what I deserve, I will put it in black and white, thanks Rhiannon for changing who I was and installing something in me, doubt

I've somewhat lost a part of me, my identity, the essence of me.

I can still put on those glasses, put on that smile and still appear the same, but I feel lost in who I am now, I'd rather walk around with a paper bag over my head constantly.

The first person I should trust I'm unsure of when I shouldn't mis-trust this person.

I now doubt and lack trust in those who are close to me, who want the best for me and most of all, love me for who I am and what I do, or in some cases DID!

I have a fucking problem, time can heal this wound for me while I fight the forces of getting paid and sending a book back to Victoria.