Sometimes I truly despise myself, my experiences and what goes in my head, though I wouldn't change a thing, if anything I'd go forth and try to experience more, despise more and experience more pain then I already have endured and see if I can become a mental vegetable.
I think the worst of myself, I believe the worst of myself, I feel the worst of myself, I have experiened the worst in myself (and in life) yet I destroy myself a little more each and everyday.
I wake up from sleep and am very aware what I experienced in sleep isn't a reality, though it scares even myself and my mind.
What are these things?
Think of it as Predator hiding in the Amazon somewhere, you're deaf, have your eyes wide open and are tied to a chair with your blood dripping.
I suffer from depression, it seems anxiety also?
Its scary but another pair of eyes have changed me, not green though a multiple of colours (depending on mood I guess) and its this pair of eyes that can stare at me deeply and smile which will make my heart melt, no matter what, it forces me to feel good about myself again and remember I'm a lucky man, I have the dream and that I am where I am now, not the past tense or future tense, the present which is all that matters.
These eyes are aware I blog, weither she reads it or not isn't the question nor the care.
My thoughts and feelings being put across is, and it happens.
I'm too tired to finish this amazingly, so I will stop here, re-write in the future as things appear and put a beautiful piece of classical on for you all.
No comments:
Post a Comment